Ram Dass said the above quote. This holiday I was schooled and humbled by The Universe and my partners family.
When I was younger I ran from the disfunction I experienced from my extended family. And to this day, I still run from my extended family when I get uncomfortable. I learned that method of coping when I was really young.
We all have unconscious patterns and beliefs that enable us from the truth of who we are. Even if you’ve done work on yourself, there is most likely more to work on. I am sure you have your own methods. There is nothing good or bad or right or wrong about them but the kind of methods that enable you to escape are limiting.
I came from a very “kind” up bringing. So kind it was almost to a fault. My family is sensitive. It’s a glorious gift and wound. They are artists and healers who feel tremendously and see the world deeply. When you decide to get into a relationship and live from a sensitive place and your partner is from an opposite upbringing – East coast with traditional east coast tough skinned humor your ego may get shredded to smithereens. That was my case. When I first experienced this kind of humor I was outraged. I couldn’t believe people treated people this way. Let alone family. And if you don’t know what I mean I suggest asking someone from the East Coast (specifically New England) about their tough sense of humor. I fought relentlessly to prove to my partner that I shouldn’t have to deal with his families cold cutting bullets they shot around like we were in war. I would dread family dinner time for at any moment I could get stabbed with sharp swords that they used with words (this is all my personal perception considering my opposite upbringing).
After numerous battles with my partner. Something shifted when I realized how much it was hurting him by focusing on the issue. Quite frankly, I expected him to do something about it, but in reality there was nothing he could do. And to expect that was quite arrogant of me. After a heated conversation that left me feeling like I should leave the relationship because my defense from this trigger was so intense and realizing I had been taking it out on my partner. I thought to myself – this time I can’t run like I did with my family. Something woke up inside. I saw how I was blaming everything outside of myself and not taking any responsibility. I became humble and stopped blaming.
I decided to suck it up. I decided to *gasp* get over my own shit. I chose something different and started rewriting my story. I was blinded by myself. I knew I needed to get out of my own way somehow. I remembered a video I had just watched from Abraham Hicks on YouTube – for anyone who does’t know who that is, if you like this article I suggest looking her up and or revisiting Abraham Hicks when you are triggered. I was reminded though Abraham to thank the person or persons who were triggering me because they were simply directing me to strengthen and elevate my energy and focus. They only person responsible for your experiences is you. I was indeed attracting these experiences and I could indeed change them by changing myself. All I had to do was focus on what I wanted and get my energy high. So that is exactly what I did.
Later that evening, I went to another family dinner and voila, I had a very pleasant experience. In fact, I left feeling better then I arrived. I could’t believe after so many bad experiences that I could actually rewrite this story. You attract what you expect and what you focus on. Your thoughts and feelings are powerful beyond measure and if you go into an experience open, centered and expecting things to work out, even in most difficult of experiences you will shift them. I also learned to not take words so personally. In fact this is how his family showed love. When I stopped personalizing this shifted everything. I chose to shift my perspective and look at things different.
I wish you the best in taking responsibility in your own reactivity and triggers and choose to change your story. So, thank these people, as they are your teachers and influencers to clear out that subconscious crap that we all have inside us. Freedom awaits on the other side.
Lots of Love,